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No more babies...

Well Andy Roo is the Big ONE!!!
That year went fast. I miss the infant stage and I know there are no more babies in the cards for us it is a wierd feeling knowing that this is the last "1" bday we will celebrate. I guess it is a process to come to terms with that. Greg reminds me there is still lotsnof first we will have with the boys. But as I collect items to donate I shed a tear. It goes so fast and I wanna hold on tight to these innocent boys and keep them safe. The more they grow up the less grip I have on them.

Well Andrew. You have a whole world to keep.on exploring. This year will be fun for us as you start to walk and learn words. Keep your adventurous spirit. We have lots of places and  things to explore!

Love you babe. And you will always bw the baby of this family xozo

Santa we are asking for...

Our family to be healthy.
Peace.
More good times than bad.
Love and laughter. 

Above: Santa impersonation 2014.

eeekkkk

Holy.

Since Matthew has started school and I went back to work part time life seems to be moving at a rapid speed. I didn't think I could possible feel busier, more stretched and fatigued.

Guessed wrong.

I have become a slave to be a task by task, hurdle by hurdle, day by day living sorta gal. 

Last few nights I have survived only by finding reading time when everyone is sleeping to sllloooowww myself down. I have read a book and a half and somehow found rejuvenation in slipping away into a literary reality.

Dad. We ♡ You.

So. For the first time in my life I overheard my parents tell each other "I love you"  In such a stressful time in our lives it was just what I needed to feel a sense of relief.

Dad has been hospitalized for over three weeks. Still we wait for a team of doctors to decide how exactly they will proceed with his care. The short story is his heart needs repair but his lungs are not functioning well enough to allow for necessary intervention. It has been a whirlwind of emotions for my parents and I have become their counsel, advisor and advocate. Essentially feeling like a parent to them. That's ok though. It's my turn to take care of them for a bit.

I heard of this so called "sandwich generation". Stuck in the middle of raising kids and caring for their parents. I think I am knee deep into now. I never felt totally adult (even being a Mom and home owner) until I was named a power of attorney and will executor. Like when the heck did life get to this point! Eeek.

I feel as though through Dads illness now I have matured immensely. I have a million grays to show it!!! I truly do my best to savour moments and conversations with him and my family. I just feel my soul is different.

I am nervous about his future. But prepared. Knowing tbrough words that he loves us has been the best gift though. I know now no matter what happens we will all be alright. That like life is a blessing.

Secret Agent Man...


Today we went to the dollar store. Matty picked out a pair of goggles as his treat! They were his secret agent goggles. His Batman mask. "Google" monster disguise. Reading glasses. And at bathtime finally just plain ole under water goggles! He is an awesome guy with a great big imagination to match his great big personality. Love ya Matty Pie!

Andy Roo


Six months today I got to finally hold my little man. The first time I actually remember holding him was when I woke up to a whimper from beside my hospital bed as he could barely be heard. He had a soft wind pipe. He sounded weak but boy was he strong and full of life.  I picked up my baby boy. Only him and I were there and I felt that instant connection. I starred at his beautiful face  as I nursed him. He was so easy going and so sweet. I told everyone that day that this little one was a sweetheart. There is something about my Andy Roo. He is not even a year old and I can tell what an amazing guy he is already. He is laid back. Sweet. Obsevant. Reserved. I can't remember what life was like without him. It is as I have always known him. I see a lot of my Poppa Jack and Grandpa Reub in him. His smile is Poppa Jacks. His demeanor is Grandpa Reubs. He fills my heart so much. I love his hands that squeeze my cheeks. His mouth that slobbers all over my face and nose. I love his lovely smell. Andy baby...I love evey single inch of you. Looking forward to the next six months bringing a ton of new milestones for to experience together as a family of four! Your the best addition to our family more so than I ever could havr imagined. Thank you for the past several months. You completed us! xoxo.


simplicity


Listening to birds chirping outside my bedroom window. Cool breeze coming through. The fresh air smells so good and has put Andy in a nice deep sleep.  Matthew is beside me reading a book. I am stroking his hair. Greg has is eyes closed and looks peaceful  after a ten hour work day. I am grinning because the three people that I love the most are all snuggled up in each others on my queen bed. They are all I need. This is simply perfect.

School girl giggles

 

My Aunt Janet passed away this week after a short but fatal battle with cancer.  The day before she left this earth I sent a huge bouquet of pretty pink flowers in hope to brighten a dark and deary hospital room.

 


For the past 10 years I found it hatd to be around her. Going to be brutally honest. She was a drunk and the effects of drinking showed. It was displayed in her looks and speech. I didn't want to be around that type of lifestyle.  I sit here and wonder was I too harsh?

 

I know she endured many many horrendous happenings in life. Her dad was an abuser physically and to the drink as well.  Boyfriends beat her. Her daughter passed. Her hubby died young. She had been raped. She never recieved any formal education passed grade eight. Maybe just maybe I should have cut her some slack.

 

I can be self righteous at times. Judgemental. May I even say lack compassion at times.

 

Her dealth made me realize this more than ever.

 

Aunt Janet. You in my younger years had style. You didn't have any money and you were on welfare but you still had a look of class. Your closet was the first ome I raided. I remember a pretty floral dress I tried on and one that looked like a 20's style flapper dress. You gave me my first pair of heels. They were black patent pumps. I felt like such an adult in them. You made me warm milk when I couldn't sleep when you babysat me.

 

You loved having a good time. You were an amazing cook.  Mom has nothing on you! 
You were at every Orange parade and we spent lots of time in Brechin.

 

You gave me a ton of compliments. I know now you were trying to boost my self esteem.  You could tell from experience it was needed.

 

Aunt J. You showed with very little you could be content. I don't judge you for being in need of an escape.  Though who cares how I feel about that anyways. Who am I.

 

Well I am someone that cared for you. Didn't show it enough. I am someone that knows your heart was full of hurt but never hurt another.

 

Most of all I am someone who is praying for you. For you to find more than contentment and complacency.  I pray you have eternal love. 

 

Please Aunt Janet if you do. I believe you will. See Grandpa. Give him a hug and a kiss for us down here. 

 

Love Always;

 

Your mourning niece. 

I am back!

Holy Cow...I have a moment to myself? This is crazy! And the dishes are done and I am listening to actual adult themed music. Cool.

I feel though the past 4.5 years have gone so fast and I may have had like 5 minutes to myself.See my thoughts are all over like a hurricane. I am likely going to ramble and fire these post off rapidly. Sorry.

Life has been a huge blur the past month. We moved to Stoney Creek. Well I have been told we are actually Winona. But hey it is all Hamilton! Either way I love the area. I have a conservation park close. A farm nearby. Wine Estate. Lake. I don't have any Tim Hortons close by. Love it! I am sure that will all change. Considering growth is likely to come. Towns, people, relationships. Very exciting to grow our Locke family roots here.

Taking care of two kids full time is HARD! Without much help except for when Greg is home which is only like 2 hours in evening and week-ends. My head spins as I feed Andy and Matthew is all over me trying to be a ninja. I am changing the baby at the same time I pretend to be Scooby Doo. I am exhauted and dishovled by 10:00 am!

Signed Matthew up for Pre-School. I would be lying if I said it was just to help him prepare for JK but a lot of it is for my sanity which most days I feel I am hanging on with a string. Though by 9 at night I feel generally accomplished. Everyone's daily essential needs were met. Phew. Well maybe some nights teeth don't get brushed but hey...the dentist doesn't have to know that! Seriously though a four year old boy is a handful. We play all day LONG! And that may sound fun but when you for 12 hrs are trying to keep up with their activity level and that great imagination they have. Phew. I am King Trident, a pet store owner, hockey player, supehero, and a fire fighter. Keeping up is just tiring. But I am with the loves of my life so it makes it worth it. Still hard. Sometimes even annoying. But worth it.

Times up...Matthew is calling. He has to pee on the toliet. Next role up...the ethusiastic cheer leader!

My tribute to you Poppa Rueb

Grandpa Reuben:

Hours after learning of my Grandfathers passing I wrote this little tribute. Through my life, Grandpa always made me feel loved and I always felt that he was proud of me. I wanted to take this opportunity to show him how much he was loved and that I was proud of him too.

When I was a child there was no one I looked up to more than Grandpa Rueb. No minute went by during our visits that were not fun with him. Being a little girl sitting on his lap ridding a lawn mower, going out on the snowmobile, fishing, cards, darts, taking us to get butter scotch ice cream and making the yummiest porridge there ever was. He was my extraordinary Grandfather.
Later growing up I realized and observed what an inspiration he was not just as my Grandfather but as a man and human being to those that were blessed enough to have known him. He was much more than the man I had all that fun with.

He wasn’t afraid of hard work. Even after retirement he continued working on small engines up in Brechin. There used to be a home-made R&B small engines sign coming along the road to his house and I knew we were seconds away from his house when I saw that. I loved seeing how much he enjoyed working and fixing things. He thrived on working and keeping busy. He’d of course put his visitors to work too. Free labour for him I guess.

He inspired me to always keep a sense of humour about things. He’d loved to laugh and even more so enjoyed when you were laughing with him. I am sure anyone in this room would agree that he was one of a kind. I am sure at some point he had each one of you laughing so hard your stomach hurt. Tied in with humour another great gift he gave to all of us was the sense that you don’t need a lot of material things to be happy. He rarely complained. He always had a positive outlook. He was happiest when doing activities he loved and being with family and friends. Most of us have seen that mischievous and joyful smile when he was winning a card game or getting a deal on something. Best of all he knew that family, friends, love and laughter are all free. He was rich in all.

A favourite moment I had him was at one time he was storing some ATV’s at his house and he talked me into going on one. I went so slow and steady; scared outta my mind. I gingerly came back to his drive way. You could tell he was eager to get on. He said let me show you how it’s done. So he climbed on. I cant remember if he was in his 70s or 80s but he blew past me. In a second he was down the road and out of sight. I thought how could this old guy be showing me up? But that was my grandpa. No fear. No regret and again enjoying life to its fullest.
There is a saying which goes “they don’t make ‘em like they used too.” That saying sticks in my mind as we reflect on his life. My grandfather was strong yet sweet, serious yet silly, frugal but extremely generous. He was dedicated to his country as a WW2 vet and Legion member. He was a fighter and he survived cancer with dignity and courage. He was supportive to both my Grandmother and Helen as they fought their own health battles never leaving their side. He was a loving father to my mother and aunt. He was a cheerleader to all his grandchildren. One of the greatest role models any of us have ever known.

Though his life ended on September 6th his memory will carry on. Through our faith we know through Christ he will be in heaven enjoying his eternal life as much of the one he had on earth with loved ones including Grandma Bea, Helen, Granddaughter Chrissy, and other loved family and friends. It gives me peace that in between gigs on the accordion and skat games that he will be looking down on us and protecting us all. He meant so much too so many. His memory will live in all of us. On earth you were my Grandpa Reub and now in heaven you are my angel. Grandpa I thank you for your life and the example you set. We love you and will miss you.